Tuesday, July 8

Asterisk Weighs in on Tiger’s ‘Major’ Absence

Asterisk, looking fit as ever.

AS USUAL, ASTERISK WAS MINDING its own punctuation business when stories recently broke suggesting winners of upcoming golf majors may deserve Asterisk by their names because of the absence of Tiger Woods.

“I’ve been doing a lot of academic work,” Asterisk told ARMCHAIR GOLF in a telephone interview. “To be perfectly honest, I don’t pay much attention to golf.”

Although the punctuation mark did admit that the sports world often does flock to it, sometimes to stir up controversy, sometimes to edit record books.

“Let’s just say sports folks can get a little carried away,” Asterisk chuckled.

One prominent memory was when Roger Maris broke Babe Ruth’s single-season home-run record. Asterisk was suggested because Maris hit his record-setting 61 home runs in 162 games instead of the 154-game season of Ruth’s era.

“Maris wasn’t very popular,” Asterisk remembered. “That was the crux of it all.”

Does being at the center of sports controversies ever bother Asterisk?

“Hyphens and parentheses never go through this, so, yeah, it’s a distraction,” the punctuation mark said. “But I guess it goes with the territory. I can handle it.”

And what did Asterisk think when PGA Tour journeyman Paul Goydos said that maybe Jack Nicklaus should have Asterisk by all 18 majors since Tiger Woods didn’t play?

“Touché. I like that Goydos guy a lot.”

−The Armchair Golfer

3 comments :

Lancer said...

Like you, I like that Goydos guy a lot. I also like the way you think.

Phil said...

Goydos has it backwards. Tiger should have the asterisk because he didn't have to face Nicklaus and his peers.

The Armchair Golfer said...

Phil: Interesting point. I would love to see Tiger and Jack go head to head. I think you know Goydos wasn't serious, but poking fun at the recent "asterisk" stories.