Tiger’s Left Knee in action.
IN AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW, Tiger’s Left Knee talked to ARMCHAIR GOLF about the troubling days following the PGA Championship and provided an inside glimpse at Camp Tiger. Tiger’s Left Knee spoke to me by telephone from his home in Windermere, Florida.
Q: As always, thanks for the visit.
LEFT KNEE: Sure.
Q: So, how are things in the Tiger camp after the huge disappointment at Hazeltine?
LEFT KNEE: You don’t want to know.
Q: Actually, I do.
LEFT KNEE: It’s been a bit more tense than usual, if you can imagine that.
Q: Not sure I can. Can you elaborate?
LEFT KNEE: I’d rather not.
Q: OK, we’ll move on. Looking ahead, you have the FedEx Cup, which Tiger leads.
LEFT KNEE: Yeah.
Q: And the Presidents Cup in October, which gives you two big events to look forward to.
LEFT KNEE: Look forward to?
LEFT KNEE: The FedEx Cup and Presidents Cup?
Q: That’s what’s on the schedule.
LEFT KNEE: It’s not about the Cups, mister. It’s about the majors. THE MAJORS! THE MAJORS!
Q: Uh, are you OK?
LEFT KNEE: I haven’t slept well since August 15.
Q: Sorry to hear that.
LEFT KNEE: I keep having the same nightmare. An obscure Korean golfer chips in for eagle on the back nine and then birdies the last hole to beat us. If that’s not nutty enough, he lifts his golf bag over his head as some kind of weird victory salute.
Q: And then you wake up and realize it isn’t just a bad dream.
LEFT KNEE: Exactly.
Q. That was a tough loss.
LEFT KNEE: Tell me about it. We’ve been playing Burger King golf for, like, forever.
Q. Burger King golf?
LEFT KNEE: You know, have it your way. We owned Sundays. Owned them outright.
Q. How’s Steve Williams doing?
LEFT KNEE: Stevie blames himself.
Q. For the missed cut at the British, right?
LEFT KNEE: And Tiger’s loss at the PGA.
Q. How does he figure into that?
LEFT KNEE: I have no clue, but you know Stevie.
Q. How’s he coping?
LEFT KNEE: He hasn’t taken off his caddie bib.
LEFT KNEE: Says he won’t take it off until we win another major.
Q. For everyone’s sake, I hope that’s soon.
LEFT KNEE: Only 224 days until Augusta.
Q: Thanks for taking the time.
LEFT KNEE: You got it.
−The Armchair Golfer
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(This is an ARMCHAIR GOLF spoof.)