Monday, November 9

Golf Pet Peeve: The Golf Channel Guy

























(Editor’s note: Robert Bruce of Game Under Repair has something he needs to get off his chest. Maybe you can relate.) 

By Robert Bruce
Special to ARMCHAIR GOLF


HOW DO I EXPLAIN The Golf Channel Guy?

Perhaps there’s a better name for this character—such as “wannabe”—but I’ll do my best to tell you about this peculiar fellow. The Golf Channel Guy watches a lot of The Golf Channel. Consequently, he’s picked up the mannerisms, fashion sensibilities, and general external qualities of the professional golfers who often appear on said Golf Channel.

Problem is, The Golf Channel Guy is a mediocre golfer at best. Most of the nation’s reported Golf Channel Guys have handicaps in the 15-18 range. He may look and sound the part, but that topped 7-iron and bladed wedge tell you otherwise.

If you’ve played golf long enough, you can smell The Golf Channel Guy from a mile away. He talks a big game. Braggadocio is his thing. After all, with those pleated khakis and svelte Nike shirt, who wouldn’t believe this guy is a scratch golfer?

The Golf Channel Guy is closely related to The Mulligan Golfer and Distance Exaggerator. All three fellows are quite concerned with image upkeep on the golf course. To help you spot The Golf Channel Guy at your local course, I’ve compiled a list of The Golf Channel Guy’s characteristics:

• Carries a pro-style bag.
• Applied for Big Break on multiple occasions.
• Wears pleated khaki pants on the golf course in August.
• Reads every putt from six angles.
• Treats every par as if he just made a birdie.
• Enjoys reverse sandbagging–in actuality, that 15 is probably a 20.
• Offers on-course instruction without prompting.
• During practice swings, he stops mid-swing to check his plane. Though he’s off plane by a foot, he seems pleased.

They try so hard. They try too hard. They are golfers in the midst of an identity crisis. Lord bless the Golf Channel Guys. 

Robert Bruce is a full-time writer and part-time golf blogger in Nashville, Tennessee. Visit his golf blog at www.gameunderrepair.com.

(Image: Jeff Wallen/Flickr)

8 comments :

Sharon said...

ROFL, this is so friggin true. Here's a couple more I've seen at my local golf course:

- Wears ties with golf tees on them at the country club, belt buckles with golf clubs on them at home, and those "casual chic" socks with barely-visible golf balls on them on the course itself.
- Owns a streamlined club set, but only uses one or two (three if you include the putter) clubs during the entire round.

Thanks for the laughs!

Heather said...

Great post!

I'm pretty sure this guy would be pretty ticked off to see me and my golfing gal pals on the tee in front of him. He might even go into the pro shop and ask that his tee time be moved in front of mine.

After he slices his tee shot into the woods in anger, he stomps into his cart. We hear him yell "S@#t!" on his approach shot, but then we never hear or see him again. Because we are three holes ahead. :o)

Used Golf Ballin said...

FFFFFFFUUUUUNNNNNNYYYYYY well atleast hes putting fourth effort maybe if he puts that much effort into golfing he will become a better player

Lancer said...

All true, but this is also the guy that keeps golf going as a game. His dreams of greatness sells golf clubs, clothes, etc. He's funny to think about but golf couldn't exist without him.

courtgolf said...

HAH ! Funny stuff ! And Rich Lerner was the perfect picture as the celebrity face of The Golf Channel Guy across America. :-D

Does he also have an endless supply of "the only ball any good golfer should ever play with" - the ProV1 ? (many of which are deposited in the woods on the right and in the creek that is a 260 yard carry, but he's going to go for it anyway)

Vince Spence said...

I call the 'reverse handicap' the 'vanity handicap'. Some better players who were mid-single digit all their life refuse to admit they are playing off 10. Their score posting reflects this desire and, as a result, guys get stuck with this idiot in a club event or scramble and he cannot break piano keys (88).

For the most part these TGC guys are harmless. I am much more concerned with the real life TGC announcers and TV broadcast teams. With the exception of Brandel Chamblee - weak, weak and weaker...

Dave @ Mud Ball Golf Blog said...

So funny, great post. They say the truth hurts... I'm feeling it!

Houston Golf Nut said...

Is that also the guy who only plays Pro V1's, even though he'll duff 2 or 3 shots in a row into the water?