Sunday, November 15

A Tiger Woods Love Letter
























November 15, 2009

Dear Tiger,

Where did the time go?

It seems like it was just yesterday that you were stepping off your Gulfstream at Essendon and were whisked away in a limo. We now realise this past week went way too fast.

Good on ya, mate. You have once again proven yourself as the world’s greatest golfer. Our sincere congratulations for winning the “other” Masters. We are so honored to have you as our champion. To be perfectly candid, we were rooting for you and are thrilled you got the job done. (Relieved, actually. Ha ha!)

We love our own—Chalmers, Nitties, Scott, Appleby, Ogilvy, Parry, Pampling and all our boys—but they have had their chances over the years and will have many more. This was the year of the Tiger.

Please, please, please do not stay away so long between visits. We are accustomed to hardship. It is part of our national identity. But 11 years is a very long wait, even for us. We will do everything humanly possible to make any visit unbelievable. We think you know that.

Or just drop by whenever you are in the neighborhood. (Maybe on your way back from Asia next year.) We promise not to make such a terrible fuss. It could be a small bash. (We would not have to tell Brumby or other pollies and curtail the journos and earbash.)

Thanks again for coming. It exceeded our expectations in every way. Hugs and kisses and camera clicks! (Not when you are in mid swing, of course.)

Love always,
Australia

P.S. Do write. Even if just an occasional email from your agent.

P.P.S. If for some reason you cannot make it back to Oz, we will always have Kingston Heath.


(Image: Keith Allison/Flickr)

(This is an ARMCHAIR GOLF spoof.)

2 comments :

Vince Spence said...

Very funny, Neil. I could almost hear the 'down under' accent, mate, as I read it...

patricia hannigan said...

This is awesome.