IN AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW with ARMCHAIR GOLF, Red and Black talk about their partnership with Tiger Woods and how Tiger’s absence will affect them and the sport.
Q. With you two coming forward, it makes us realize the enormity of Tiger’s break from golf and the widespread impact it has.
RED: It really caught us off balance. The whole situation has been surreal.
BLACK: Yeah, Sundays will never be the same for me. I’m not coping very well, to be honest.
Q. Is there any truth to the rumor that you’re going to drop Tiger?
RED: None whatsoever. We just want to respect his desire for privacy to work through things. We’ll be here for Tiger when he returns to golf.
Q. I guess you heard about PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem’s comments the other day about the tour and Tiger’s absence.
Q. Do you know the commissioner?
BLACK: Not really. We’ve seen him at dozens of trophy presentations, but I wouldn’t say we’re buddy buddy or anything.
Q. What did you make of Finchem’s comments? Do you agree that golf isn’t all “doom and gloom” and the tour will still be strong?
RED: Absolutely. I think we all know Tiger’s absence will have an impact but that golf, as a whole, will be successful and the tour will be successful in ‘10. Why not? Why can’t it be like he says?
BLACK: Golf as we knew it is over. It’s over. My career is over, in golf and probably all sports. I hate myself.
RED: C’mon, Black. Try to keep it together, will you?
BLACK: Don’t tell me how I feel, Mr. Bright Side.
RED: Sorry, Black. You know I care about you. Your career isn’t over. Tiger will be back. There are other players. It’s not like Tiger was going to be around forever. C’mon now. We’ve gone over this.
Q. What about other players?
RED: I can’t say much. We’re in talks.
Q. Are we going to see you two on the course before Tiger’s return?
RED: Let’s just say Tiger isn’t the only player to ever wear us. With all due respect to Tiger, we were around before he came on tour and we’ll be around when he calls it quits.
Q. Anything to add, Black?
BLACK: Tiger’s chip-in on the 16th hole during the final round of the 2005 Masters was amazing, just amazing. And at Hoylake, when he broke down and fell into Stevie’s arms …
RED: He’s been like this since November 28.
Q. Thanks for taking the time, and good luck to both of you.
RED: My pleasure.
BLACK: Expect anything different? Expect anything different? That putt to tie Rocco on the last green at the U.S. Open! Expect anything different?
−The Armchair Golfer
(This is an ARMCHAIR GOLF spoof.)
(Image: Chase McAlpine/Flickr)