THERE AREN’T MANY Tiger Woods fans who are more devoted than Whiskers. In fact, it’s fair to say that Whiskers is the most extreme case of Tiger worship. It’s a simple explanation. Whiskers always watches golf when Tiger is playing. And, as ARMCHAIR GOLF has learned in prior interviews, Whiskers never watches golf when Tiger isn’t playing. Not even the Ryder Cup.
With the revelations about Tiger and his indefinite leave from the game, it was a long and disturbing off-season for Whiskers. In a recent telephone interview with ARMCHAIR GOLF, Whiskers answered questions about Tiger’s return to the game. Unfortunately, it didn’t end well.
Q: What did you think about Johnny Miller’s recent comments on Tiger?
WHISKERS: Meow meow meow meow meow.
Q: Well then, who do you listen to?
Q: Fair enough. Let me ask you the question that’s on everyone’s mind. When do you think Tiger will return to golf?
WHISKERS: Meow meow meow.
Q: No, that won’t happen. The Accenture Match Play is this week. Tiger’s not entered, although he did play in it last year. He lost to Tim Clark.
Q: Well, that’s next week, and Tiger hasn’t played there since 2001. Maybe another try?
WHISKERS: Meow meow.
Q: Um, sorry, Whiskers, but I really don’t think he’ll be at the Honda Classic either.
WHISKERS: Meow meow meow meow, meow meow?
Q: Yes, you’re absolutely right. I did ask you for your prediction, it’s just …
WHISKERS: Meow meow meow meow.
Q: The Puerto Rico Open! Are you just reading down the list of tour events? Whiskers? Hello?
−The Armchair Golfer
(This is an ARMCHAIR GOLF spoof.)