(From the ARMCHAIR GOLF archives.)
THANKS TO AN ANONYMOUS TIP, I caught up with the Grinch after a recent round of golf. The Grinch, as it turns out, has been playing golf four days a week at what is normally his busiest time of year.
“So how are things in Whoville?” I asked.
“Rotten,” the Grinch snickered. “The Whos are really hurting. Christmas isn’t even worth stealing this year. Why do you think I’m playing golf? I had to find something to do.”
The Grinch has been teeing it up at an undisclosed location, a well-known private club that fears bad publicity if word gets out that the Grinch is a member.
“These fancy golf clubs are losing members faster than kids can unwrap their silly gifts,” the Grinch sneered. “Membership is hitting rock bottom—one in five private clubs could go under in a few years. They had to take me.”
And how does the Grinch know so much about the state of golf?
“I read about it in the Wall Street Journal. Free subscription.”
Actually, the Grinch doesn’t like golf.
“What a stupid game,” he said. “But it’s great for killing time, and I’ve got plenty of it. I do like driving the cart. I even drive it on the greens.
“They’re not going to do anything about it,” the Grinch added, chuckling. “I’m one of their only players now.”
−The Armchair Golfer